Part II: Stepping Out of the Shadows of Grief (The Stages of Grief Healing Book 2)
Grief is like fear in the way it gnaws the gut. Your mind is on a short tether, turning round and round. You look with incredulity at those going about their ordinary lives. In he was lured out of his donnish bachelor state by Joy Davidman , an American poet. By his marriage he became stepfather to two boys.
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But four years later Joy died of cancer. The work of mourning, if not performed when it is due, seems to be stored up for us, often for many years.
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It compounds and complicates our later griefs. The loss of his wife plunged Lewis into a crisis of faith. As a theologian he would come to credit God with some subtlety, but as a man he must have felt he had been thrown back into the classroom at his prep school, with its routinely hellish regime of arbitrary beatings. He soon saw that mourning kicks away the props we rely on. It confiscates our cognitive assets and undermines our rationality.
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Lewis had worked over the ground in theory. It is not that Lewis ceases to believe in God. How can one not rebel against such perceived cruelty? Conventional consolations are offered to him, and seem to miss the point.
But my heart and body are crying out, come back, come back. Gradually the shape of loss emerges, but it is complex and ever-changing. The dead person recedes, losing selfhood, losing integrity, becoming an artefact of memory.
Emotional Aftermath of Miscarriage
Are we remembering enough? A year passes, but each day the loss strikes us as an absolute novelty. While some people are able to put aside their feelings and move on, others find that they need weeks or even months to be able to fully function again. Eventually, though, the pain of a miscarriage will subside and the world will indeed look brighter.
But until then, it's important to honor your feelings and to take the time you need to grieve. Though there's nothing you can do to "rush" the mourning process, there are simple ways you can take care of yourself as you heal. Ask for help in breaking the news. If you're feeling too fragile to talk about your miscarriage or to deal with other people's reactions, ask a friend, relative, or coworker to tell others so you don't have to discuss it. Don't take hurtful comments to heart.
Many people don't realize how profound a loss miscarriage is and may say things like "Don't worry, you can always try again.
If you feel up to it, educate the important people in your life about pregnancy loss. Suggest, for instance, that they read a book on the subject, such as A Silent Sorrow -- Pregnancy Loss: Don't apologize for your pain. During your healing process, friends and relatives may pressure you to "move on," "get over things," or "return to life as usual. Your pain is a normal response to the profound loss you've suffered, and you needn't blame yourself or apologize to anyone for how you feel.
After a miscarriage, it may help to talk with someone who's been through the same experience, or to join a support group that meets regularly. SHARE, a national organization for couples who've experienced miscarriage, may be able to put you in touch with a support group in your area. During pregnancy and after a miscarriage, a woman's hormone levels change rapidly. If you're having trouble dealing with these emotions, speak with your doctor, who can refer you to a counselor if necessary.
Ask for household help. As you recover from a miscarriage, ask friends and relatives to help with household chores, like laundry, errands, or cooking.
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You'll need time to physically and emotionally heal, and it can help to lighten some of your day-to-day responsibilities. Be mindful of your feelings. Immediately after a miscarriage, you may find it hard to be around friends and relatives who are pregnant or have babies. If it feels too painful to see them, give yourself permission not to visit. Tell them that you still hold them dear, but that this is a difficult time for you and it's just too hard to see them now.
Also, think about how you feel before accepting any invitations to a baby shower, baptism, or first birthday party. Think about anniversaries and holidays. Anniversaries, such as the date the pregnancy was lost or the due date , may also be painful, and you may feel sadder than usual at these times. If you need to, take the day off, attend a religious service, or mark the date in some special way.
Holidays may be difficult after a miscarriage too. If you're grieving, think about quietly observing the holiday at home or attending festivities only briefly.