I KNOW WHY UGLY PEOPLE ARE UGLY
And the thing is, it doesn't matter what the 'truth' is. Because I know what my truth is and it's my truth that's holding me back. I think I'm ugly and you can tell me I'm beautiful but I won't believe it. And that's my problem. I'm so firm in my views and I don't know what to do. There's so much that I want to do, but I just don't have the confidence to do it. Don't sell yourself short and there's no need to start kissing frogs and toads just for the sake of getting your numbers up. I know this will sound vain, but it's not the sort of thing that I would ever say out loud or ever feel comfortable saying.
I try so hard to be the perfect person, I always have. And I just feel like I don't deserve to be ugly. I do well in school, I have talents.
The image newsletter
I always include people, I put others before myself, I don't leave people on read, I don't create situations where anyone might feel uncomfortable. I give compliments, I carry a conversation, I embarrass myself to make others feel better. I always put everything I can into advice for other people, and make them my number one priority. I care so much about people, because I understand what it's like to need a pick-me-up. I devote myself to everyone else, but at the end of the day, I'm not the person i want to be.
When I look in the mirror, I don't see the person I feel like I am.
And when I compare myself to the 'pretty people' in my life, I don't feel like they're as worthy of it as I am. Like I said, I'd never say any of this out loud or to anyone, and this is so out of character for me. But it's something I need to say and saying it to a computer screen is easier than saying it to a friend, especially when I feel like deep down they'll agree with me. In high school this is exactly how I felt. My sisters would always say things about how jealous they were of my body and that I should learn how to 'flaunt' it, which would only make me more self-conscious and feel more guilty and ashamed of not being able to like my appearance, as well as just further distrusting them and any of their opinions.
I was disgusted with myself. I think of it now as a very normal insecurity that most people have in high school everyone does at some point to different degrees that was intensified by my anxiety. If I started to feel less self-conscious about my body, then it would move to my personality, or the way I spoke in presentations, way I dressed etc.
It was the anxiety and low self-esteem that was the problem, not my body or myself in anyway. Saying these insecurities out loud to a psychologist will give you some relief, and hopefully start the work on accepting yourself. CBT would be great for you I think.
You will eventually be able to make decisions and act in an a way based on what YOU want, not based on minimizing the anxiety. Takes hard work, not a quick fix, but what is more important than your own mental health? Something that changed my perspective on my body is having severe chronic fatigue for a year To start - try and focus on the positives of what you can 'do' rather than how you look, which you can work on later. Welcome and the others have given you some wonderful responses already from their own experiences.
I don't have much to add except that what you are going through is very normal, though I realise that doesn't make it any easier. A lot of people struggle with this to different degrees and for different reasons, but body image and self-confidence come up so often on these forums. And the reason why is because it totally sucks to deal with. I'm a pretty average looking guy who's too lazy to do anything to "look better" - it mattered to me a lot before, and it matters to me less now, though it is a persistent thought in the back of my mind.
You said it does bother you and you can't just switch it off. It's a pretty core feeling right now. When people say just don't think about it or don't let it bother you, what they really mean to say is work towards the goal of not letting it bother you.
I've been ugly and beautiful and the difference is depressing | irogyrikewyx.tk
This will take time and, I hate saying this, but we have to be patient with ourselves. As you well know, we are not robots, so changing our beliefs can take time. But we do need to work at it. That's a good one.
AM I UGLY?
The first in regards to your first kiss. Don't feel weird or ugly because you haven't had one. No, the danger is when you are called ugly enough times you start to believe it might be true. No, so please stop telling yourself you are, our thoughts very quickly become our reality. No, your body is just changing and you are still growing into it. No, having bad skin does not make you ugly and is totally normal. Turns out they are the only ones that do and they make up a teeny tiny amount of the population. No, your dress size does not determine your beauty, case in point: No, when we compare ourselves we always come off feeling worse, to compare is to despair so stop comparing.
No, your weight is how much your body physically weighs full stop. After years of being ugly, it was suddenly baffling to be of interest to people. And not just in a sexual way but just generally. I had graduated purely by dint of my face suddenly behaving itself into a person that was worth listening to. Last year, This American Life aired an episode called Tell Me I'm Fat which explored the lives of three women who either were fat or had been in the past.
I take this as an example, not because I equate fatness with ugliness — I don't — but rather such a quantifiable transformation can be more effective in revealing how we are treated based on our looks. Elna Baker a producer on the show and story-teller at the Moth, lost more than pounds using diet pills.
She described the transition of becoming thin in detail, how the world suddenly seemed more open to her, she got a job, a boyfriend, even free stuff in shops when she didn't have enough cash for groceries. It was the unfairness that got to me. I just had to be thin. It made the world seem so bleak, like this is the system?
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It made me less hopeful about people. It made it hard to trust people. Then I lost weight in my early 20s and the change was so palpable. It was upsetting to me. Ugliness is something that people want to argue with you about. I casually mentioned my decade of ugliness to two women recently who immediately tried to disabuse me of this opinion.
Now my line on it is that being ugly or having an ugly period in your formative years can be the making of us. Beauty, if or when you acquire it, is a currency but the currency of hotness is a fleeting one. It is the currency of a false economy. Of course, female beauty is a very particular thing.