Coming Up from the Down Low: The Journey to Acceptance, Healing, and Honest Love

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  3. Coming Up from the Down Low: The Journey to Acceptance, Healing, and Honest Love by J.L. King
  4. Coming Up from the Down Low: The Journey to Acceptance, Healing, and Honest Love

King introduced readers to the deceptive underground world of the "down low" DL , the subculture of men leading straight lives while secretly sleeping with other men. In that first book, King's own life was exhibit A--he lived for years as a DL man and was able to expose this lifestyle with unique authority. In this blockbuster new book, King takes readers to the next level in his exploration of the down-low world by answering the most common questions from the thousands of people he's met while traveling the country.

He provides more in-depth information about the lives of men on the DL, dispels the most common myths, and addresses the most frequently asked question of all: What are the signs? But more than that, he tells of his own transformation over the last year, as he's moved into a more honest evaluation of his own life and the lives of other men on the DL who are trying to emerge from their web of deceit.

And he courageously points to the urgent problems in our communities that drive men into such dangerous and reckless lives and keep them there. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem? Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. Coming Up from the Down Low: Shining a Light on the Down Low. King lived on the down low for years before he wrote On the Down Low , the controversial bestseller that revealed the secret subculture of men leading straight lives while secretly sleeping with other men.

He provides more in-depth information about the men who live this way, dispels the most common myths, and addresses the most frequently asked question of all: What are the signs? Filled with fascinating stories from men who have lived on the down low and the women who have struggled through it with them, Coming Up from the Down Low is a vital call for greater love, tolerance, and forgiveness in our individual lives and within our communities.

Paperback , pages. Published April 25th by Harmony first published To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Coming Up from the Down Low , please sign up. Be the first to ask a question about Coming Up from the Down Low. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia.

Coming Up from the Down Low The Journey to Acceptance, Healing, and Honest Love

Aug 21, Robert Dunbar rated it did not like it Shelves: Just when you thought it was safe to dust the bookshelves… What in the world is this doing on the shelf? And why does this keep happening to me? I guess some editor sent a copy. Let me just flip through… hmm I mean, who knew? Did I say that already?

From Publishers Weekly This follow-up to the Oprah-driven smash On the Down Low packs few surprises, but in its relentlessly candid, insistently first-person way, it creates a safe, supportive space in which readers who find themselves "living on the DL" might self-recognize and begin to seek light and air. Crown April 19, Language: Related Video Shorts 0 Upload your video. Share your thoughts with other customers.

Write a customer review. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. This book here all I can say is wow make you wonder I don't really read like I should I just read my bible but this book and his first book blew my mind good book go buy it. This book just like the previous one lets you know what to look for when it comes to these horrific men who are confused and don't mind trying to confuse you.

Believe it or not there are several men out here who are trying to keep their true sexual identity a secret. You have the right to know and if you dont have a clue you should read this and the previous one so that you will know how to avoid these types of animals.

This was a great read. This book continues to give dl men excuses to be selfish and think of themselves only king encourages honesty but still tells men its ok to lie to thier families and spouses not a good read.

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If we are ever to become a healthier and more enlightened people regarding the complexities of love, relationships, and sexuality we need more books like this. I came to "Coming Up From the Down Low" viewing it almost as a bookend or companion to Terrance Dean's "Hiding in Hip Hop" another excellent and urgently needed examination about the lives of black men on the down low.

King writes with moving directness about his years of denial, confusion and duplicity as a black man on the DL, struggling to understand and finally to accept his sexual nature. He expresses regret about the disrespect he showed the women of his past--particularly his ex-wife and mother of his three children--and speaks with poignancy about his love and concern for his daughter.

His challenge to DL men to think about how they would feel if the emotional and physical well-being of their own daughter or niece was being put at risk by the irresponsible behavior of a DL man is especially welcome.

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Though I greatly admire and respect J. King for his willingness to share his life experiences and encourage this long overdue conversation, there are some things with which I take issue. In a passage meant to explain black male reluctance to join white gay and bisexual activists in public protests, King recounts an interracial meeting of professional-class gay men that ended in acrimony.

The black host, citing the presence of homeboys and girls on nearby street corners and stoops, cautioned his departing guests to avoid any hand-holding or PDAs as they walked from his door to their cars.

Coming Up from the Down Low: The Journey to Acceptance, Healing, and Honest Love by J.L. King

This angered a white participant, who insisted he would hold hands with his partner whether his host's disapproving neighbors liked it or not. This led to a testy debate in which the black participants were accused of not standing up to homophobia within their families and communities. The black men countered that white gay men had no respect for or understanding of the loyalty black gay men feel toward their families, communities and churches. This, the black men said, is why they distanced themselves from most meetings and activities in the larger LGBT community--white guys just didn't get it.

I read this and thought, Fair enough But something about that response bothered me. Something was not being examined. Why wouldn't white guys get it? Aren't there white men on the DL too, dealing with their own families, communities and churches?

Coming Up from the Down Low: The Journey to Acceptance, Healing, and Honest Love

I wanted to ask: Black LGBT men and women are supportive of their communities in so many ways. Shouldn't they, in turn, be able to count on support from their neighbors, their friends, and especially the people who have known them all their lives? Isn't loyalty a two-way street?

Furthermore, near the end of the book King admits that he had never told his father a man who had made many hurtful, hateful remarks about homosexuals about his years of struggle coming to terms with his sexuality, or indeed about his activism regarding coming out and coming up from the DL lifestyle. When finally King introduced his dad to the man he was dating, he avoided acknowledging the true nature of their friendship.

King defended these omissions as arising from a need to protect his then 83 year old dad from the complexities of his life, as well as a desire to safeguard the love and affection they'd always had for each other. He reports that several people within their circle had tried to bring to the elder King's attention his son's books, but that his father's response was always to ignore the efforts, a sort of familial "Don't Ask, Don't Tell. This seemed to me a contradiction of Mr. King's insistence on the need for complete honesty.

On the other hand, men of his father's generation are much more resistant to cultural and societal changes, and J. King is human after all, and like all of us a work in progress. This book is a follow-up to King's bestseller, "On the Down Low.


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King's ex-wife, with whom he has remained friends, has written her own account of their experience, offering advice and comfort to other wives and girlfriends trying to understand and survive the DL phenomenon.